Are you dating someone?

This is what my husband asked me. Conversationally. Not as an accusation. And trust me, this is not some latent jealousy thing. He "heard" from his friend on Facebook that a friend of mine made a comment and one of his friends "warned" him that it sounded odd. And he actually sounded hopeful that I might be seeing someone. Yeah. You know, in all of my free time from raising two children while you are rarely home. Because so many quality people (myself included) are interested in "dating" someone already married. Okey doke...
#1) Dumb asses. Am I really so interesting that you read my comments and give them a second thought? Pay attention to your OWN life and get a more interesting one while you are at it.
#2) Nice job misinterpreting something so harmless. Obviously this person is getting laid less than I am (trust me, not possible) if they are dwelling on what they perceive to be MY sex life.
#3) Yes, I am smart enough to have deleted this person from my "friend" list
#4) No, I was not smart enough to not have my husbands friends as mine on Facebook
#5) And really, just because you are a Viagra swilling cheating ass does not mean that I am. And at least I have the courage and initiative to admit my wrongdoings and work towards correcting them. With any luck, this will bode well for me in the future. You, on the the other hand will still be the cowardly fuck who cheated on the wife who would have gladly given you the out had you just had the balls to ask for it.

Well, I went to Debtors Anonymous...

And I wasn't alone. Whew. It seems that other people have the same issues I have with shopping and spending. It also seems to have caused concern in other relationships. Double whew. It's always reassuring to know you are not alone in life or your mistakes.
I need to go 90 days without incurring any unsecured debt. I hope I get a chip or some form of recognition at the end. I WANT to do this. I NEED to do this.

Signs that your husband is having sex with someone else...

1) A month goes by without having sex (with you) and there is no guilt trip involved
2) Two months go by without having sex (with you) and there is no guilt trip involved
3) Three months go by without having sex (with you) and your husband still seems OK with it
4) Before either of you realizes it you are ringing in the new year in different cities never having had sex with each other during the past calendar year. WTF.

The sad thing is, I knew it was going on and didn't bat an eye or care.
Stupid fucker. He should have just been thankful for the "fuck all you want" hall pass.

Anti-depressants. You've got to be shitting me.

Literally.
Seeing as how I can barely function and get through the day, I realized I needed professional help.
In the old days, I would have just ordered a bunch of junk online, but seeing as how I am:
1) Older (fuck)
2) Wiser (maybe)
3) Without a credit card anymore
4) OK, wiser
I knew it was time for help. And let me tell you what is almost as scary as realizing that you need professional help to deal with your depression.
Getting an appointment with a doc.
I started making the phone calls in December only to be told I would be on waiting lists, could get an appointment in April or to go to a clinic.
And let me tell you, I live in a major metropolitan city AND I have health insurance. Not that that makes me any better, it just shows some insight as to what our health care system is like. I can not even imagine people in need of mental health care who do not have insurance or other resources. That thought alone depressed me even more.
I got lucky. Truly lucky.
I found a doc who recently left a large practice run by the county and went out on his own. He was able to see me New Years Day.
If felt like a sign.
Even better? He understands my soon-to-be situation and offered to assist me with pricing and samples as I may be without health insurance for a period of time.
But, back to the point.
He did tell me the anti-depressants may cause an "upset stomach" for a few weeks.
Oh boy, he wasn't shitting me.

You're so vain

Really.

Is he just stupid? Delusional?

As my Don't-we-just-have-to-sign-some-papers-and-get-this-over-with husband prepares for his new starring role in "Don't know how to have an adult relationship so I thought divorce was an easy out" he has been the one shopping.

Shopping.

The root of all evil.

The straw purse that broke the camels back.

I'm just going to come clean and state that I spent over $30,000 on credit cards. I did.

And he paid it off.

I did pay him back as much as I could.

And I could have learned my lesson. I DID learn my lesson.

But this lesson is about more than spending.

He checked out long before this, and I knew it. The ink faded on the charge slip a long time ago.

So this is about more than money. Saying it is about the money is just the easy way out.

Chicken.

Whatever.

But here is what cracks me up. As we are still living together the stupid fucker thinks I am his FASHION ADVISOR.

He is willing to acknowledge that I have good taste.

Stupid fuck goes shopping for a new sweater to wear to a party (Again, while I am home being a PARENT) and brings it home to ask what I think of it.

Are you stupid?

#1- It's ugly

#2- You think a Tommy Bahama sweater is the answer to your problems? Think twice, fucker.

#3- You dumb ass. They left the security tag on the sweater. That fucking sweater is so ugly that in their haste to get it out the door they forgot to take the tag off. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Greedy girls and boys

Well well well.

It looks as if I am not the only greedy shopper in this dying-on-the-vine marriage.

A certain Viagra-popping-not-banging-his-wife husband spent a little time putting a down payment on his new water front property yesterday in honor of the new year and his new life-without-a-wife.

And had the gall to be upset when he called me via cell phone on New Year's Eve on his way to the par-tay only to be told it was not the time to talk about it.

Sorry, but no. I do not want to talk to you on the cell phone on your way to party while I am home being a mother to our child KNOWING you have a Viagra induced boner for the evening.

And lastly, so I am in the clear here... Our marriage toppled largely due to the fact that I spent thousands of dollars shopping so you thought you might pop in and make a $250,000 condo purchase on your way out drinking for the evening?

I guess you showed me who's the boss.

New Years Eve and no sex

For me at least. My husband is having sex, I'm just not sure who he is having it with.

What led me to this point?

The title of this blog?

Sex. Shopping. And Greed.

Lots of all three.

Like the chicken and the egg I'm not sure which came first, but they all three came in heavy doses and led me to make stupid and bad choices.

I had sex, which led to marriage. Trust me, I know sex does not always lead to marriage. I had my share of sex with people I did not marry.

I love to shop, and I got greedy about it.

My marriage imploded largely in part to it.

Other things contributed to the end of my marriage, but my shopping, debt and deceitful ways to get what I want were not helpful.

That is for sure.

So here it is, New Years Eve and my hoping-for-an-easy-divorce husband has taken a Viagra and left for the night. He will be home tomorrow.

Yep, I counted the remaining Viagra. Trust me, we don't have sex but I know where he keeps the Viagra hidden.

Happy New Years, honey.